QUIRKYALONENESS…my conversion

I’ve never had a problem with being single. I’ve actually celebrated the fact that I am capable of being alone, that I don’t need a man to occupy my time or as the basis of my happiness.

I‘ve had two long/serious relationships in my lifetime. In between I’ve had a couple of boyfriends and dated a few guys. Some I liked more than others. Some I cried over, others not so much.

But one thing was constant; once I/he/we ended the relationship I never felt the urge to jump right into the next. I instead welcomed singleness (yes, that’s a word) with open arms. But after my last breakup, over a year ago, things felt a little different.

In all fairness, my last relationship wasn’t a bad relationship. On the contrary, it was probably one of the best relationships I’ve been in. But there was something about its abrupt ending and the events that followed that shattered my trust in the heterosexual male species, and left me feeling like I had to find the next guy to quickly rebuild my faith in men. It has been an unsuccessful search.

Up until a few months ago I dwelled in the thought that I may never find the guy and started to reluctantly internalize the idea that if I wanted to share my life with someone I may have lower my expectations or settle for the next best thing (I know it’s a little dramatic but I tend to that sometimes).

So about a month ago, after many lonely nights spent pondering about my loveless future over many glasses of Shiraz, a lot of self reflection, and a little bit of unsubstantiated self pity, I came to terms with my not-so-newfound singlehood (ok, that’s not a word) and became a self-proclaimed quirkyalone… a true conversion.

By definition a quirkyalone is a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than date for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a quirkyalone possesses a sensibility that transcends relationship status.

Now I am a quirkyalone and proud to be one. It takes some adjusting, but it’s really about acceptance. Instead of romance, I have chosen to focus on my career, my hobbies, my friends, my family and myself, and I am happy to say that I am getting a much greater return on my investment.

* Quirkyalone is a term coined by author Sasha Cagen in her book "Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncomprimising Romantics."